No idea why . . . but my mood swings drastically these few days . I don't take jokes anymore . I don't take crappy stuffs and i can't really tolerate things i don't like . I'm starting to prefer days on my own, doing things alone, and even going out with no one . The urge to smoke came back, a stronger one, and everytime i by pass the smoking area it makes me wanna head to 7-11 for a pack of cigarettes . Weekends seem worse than ever, the strong craving to club but i can't .
Nothing else i can do, nothing else interest me, nothing else makes me feel happy . Perhaps i'm ready to die, got myself prepared for it . Life has no meaning to me .
For a moment i felt like rushing towards the wall and hit my head real hard, get a memory loss or better, just die .
My only goal now is to complete my diploma, even if i get D- for all modules . Because that's the last promise i'm gonna give perhaps in this life, and i gave it to my dad for a mistake i made . Once the goal is reached, i can tell god i'm all ready to go to hell .
Trust me, i can predict that for the next 3 months my smiles and laughters is a fake, so just bear with the fakes .
To that love :
Don't keep asking me what's troubling me, if i wanna make it known, it will be here, typed, if not, i wouldn't show a slightest problem what happen .
Loves,
Chantel
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